The Language of Assertiveness

The following are suggestions regarding the language of assertiveness.

• "I" statements:
     I think...
     I feel...
     I want...
  
• Statements of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:
     "This is the way I see it"
     "In my opinion..."
     "This is how I feel"
     "This is what it means to me"
  
• Statements of Request:
     "I" want...
     "I" need...
  
• Statements offering compromise:
     "I" would like this...
     What would you like?
     "I" think...What do you think?
     "What would be an acceptable compromise?"
     "Can we work this out--What time is agreeable to you?"
  
• Asking for time:
     "I'd like to discuss this in an hour"
     Taking time to think, know what you want to be different,
     thinking of compromise, etc.
  
• Asking for clarification--instead of ASSUMING.
  
• AVOID demanding and blaming statements:
     You make me...
     You think...
     You should/shouldn't...
     It's your fault...
     Don't you think...
     If only you would...
  

Specific Verbal Skills

• "I" think statements
• Broken record--repeating what you want, persistence
• Acknowledge what other is saying, then repeat your view, opinion, need, etc.
• Provide feedback--respond to what other person is saying

Language Formula

• I feel--state your feeling
• When (describe behavior)
• Because (concrete effect or consequence on your situation)
• I'd prefer (offer compromise)

• Assertiveness
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