The Language of Assertiveness
The following are suggestions regarding the language of assertiveness.
- "I" statements:
- Statements of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:
"This is the way I see it"
"In my opinion..."
"This is how I feel"
"This is what it means to me"
- Statements of Request:
- Statements offering compromise:
"I" would like this...
What would you like?
"I" think...What do you think?
"What would be an acceptable compromise?"
"Can we work this out--What time is agreeable to you?"
- Asking for time:
"I'd like to discuss this in an hour"
Taking time to think, know what you want to be different,
thinking of compromise, etc.
- Asking for clarification--instead of ASSUMING.
- AVOID demanding and blaming statements:
You make me...
It's your fault...
Don't you think...
If only you would...
Specific Verbal Skills
- "I" think statements
- Broken record--repeating what you want, persistence
- Acknowledge what other is saying, then repeat your view, opinion, need, etc.
- Provide feedback--respond to what other person is saying
- I feel--state your feeling
- When (describe behavior)
- Because (concrete effect or consequence on your situation)
- I'd prefer (offer compromise)
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